BCS Court report 25th July Session 2

The venue is located in large premises in Durham. It is located a few miles from the A1 and is quite easy to find, even without satnav. There’s ample parking nearby. The court room is a large room on the ground floor, downstairs there’s a large dungeon & a cellar.

The session is essentially two separate events, the public & private hearings. The differences will become evident.

There was one private hearing, which was the first case heard.

Naughtybantam was accused of two charges


Namely peeping into the ladies changing rooms at a dance studio

Resisting arrest and insolence when arrested on the matter above.

Naughtybantam was brought up to the bench, not in the traditional best suit of a defendant, but more appropriately a black ladies leotard. The defendant plead guilty, but bravely decided to conduct his own defence.

He was quizzed by the bench on his behaviour, soon they reached the conclusion that the leotard should be removed. Backed up by incriminating witness statements the bench deduced that an unhealthy interest in ladies lingerie contributed to the defendants actions, under the direction of the bench he had to parade wearing a number of exhibits. The court was much amused by the impromptu fashion parade.

The court got back to business, accepted the guilty plea and dismissed the defendant.

The public cases where heard immediately afterwards

Case 1 Andy Cuff charged with failing to appear at a remedial driving course & injuring a WPC.

Andy Cuff tried to plead poverty as his excuse for non-attendance at a remedial driving course, the bench felt some sympathy for his plight due to the credit crunch. However Rumpole for the prosecution soon plunged his sword of justice into these claims when he pointed out that not only did the defendant own a high end BMW, but he had a substantial portfolio of liquid assets.

While the charges of injuring a PC were being discussed, the defendant invoked the ire of the court by suggesting WPC MoneyPenny had recently undergone a sex change. Were it not for court privilege a libel case would have surely ensued.

Case 2 Steve McLaren charged with issuing improperly worded summons on behalf of the BCS assize.

Luckily for the defendant the incorrect charges had been spotted by a junior clerk, otherwise charges of perverting the course of justice may have been laid.

The defendant meekly tried to explain the mix-up was due work pressure. However the bench would have none of this and unhappy at the embarrassment caused found him guilty in short order.


Case 3 Justin Stripes faced 3 charges

Insolence to a punishment officer, absconding from bail & breaking parole conditions by entering licenced premises.

The prosecution wasted no time in laying bare the facts of the defendants misdemeanours. At times the prosecution council, Rumpole could barely contain his outrage at the defendants behaviour.

The defence claimed amnesia as a mitigating factor. However witness after witness demolished these claims, with Dr Ann putting the final nail in the defences coffin by pointing out the mild nature of the head concussion cited by the defence council (Andy Cuff).

The defence then tried at the last minute to invoke an insanity plea. This too was quickly dismissed by the expert witness Dr Ann.

The bench came to their guilty verdict in a record time for the BCS Assizes.

Case 4 Rumpole was charged with “dogging”, plus a charge of inviting the arresting WPC of joining the conspiracy.

Rumpole forlornly tried to quash the charges by claiming dogging was perfectly legal, his flimsy excuse was based on his belief that WPC MoneyPenny was a fellow dogger in fancy dress - despite the truncheon, handcuffs & warrant card.

The court heard that Rumpoles dogging nom de guerre was Ramrod! And the scandalous claim that WPC MoneyPenny’s truncheon was in fact a dildo.

The bench had no hesitation in dismissing Rumpoles highly dubious defence and found him guilty in short order.

Case 5 The last case involved Jim Nixon defending charges of sending offensive items through the Queens mail and possession of voyeuristic images on a PC.

For the prosecution Andy Cuff outlined the case against Jim Nixon. A local sorting office reported finding suspicious items, a laboratory examination revealed the contents to be ladies underwear stained with semen, with DNA matching the defendant.

The court heard how a later police search uncovered many more items of ladies underwear. Furthermore a forensic analysis of the defendants PC revealed no less than 300,000 voyeuristic images. All clearly taken without the consent of the subject. The defendant refused to reveal the password to a folder called “sneaky pics”, however experts at GCHQ were able to decode the images.

Professor Wankerov appeared as an expert witness regarding the defendants masturbatory habits and revealed the defendant indulged in this habit at over ten times the normal rate. The defence tried the somewhat desperate tactic of claiming Nixon was somewhat prone to exaggeration.

A number of disturbing exhibits were presented to the court, that required careful handling even when sealed. The offending items were items of ladies underwear discovered at the defendants home. The sniffer dog involved has since been retired from active service.

Not surprisingly Jim Nixon was found guilty.

At the end of the hearings all the defendants were gathered downstairs. They were called in individually by Dr Ann & WPC MoneyPenny and had to strip for a head to toe inspection to verify suitability for corporal punishment.

WPC MoneyPenny then arranged for all the defendants to form an orderly line, each defendant was chained by the left hand to the defendant in front. The coffle was then marched upstairs to face the bench once again. They had to line up still chained to hear their sentences, no mercy was spared in sentencing.

Each offender in turn was unchained from the coffle and strapped to the whipping bench. The punishment had to be counted by the offender, unless they were gagged in which case a court official counted the strokes. The punishment was administered by Madams Rattan & Torment

Andy Cuff - 12 strokes of the tawse, 18 with the junior cane and 18 with the senior cane

NaughtyBantam - 48 strokes of the riding crop (dressage whip), plus 24 of the tawse.

Rumpoles - Indefinite Spanking

Justin Stripes - 48 strokes of the cane

Jim Nixon - 24 strokes of the birch, 24 strokes of the tawse, 24 strokes of the dragon cane.

Steve McLaren - 12 strokes of the tawse

All punishments were duly recorded and the miscreants were then dismissed by the bench.

From the observers side of the group...thank you all for your reports on the July Assize ...and now after all that chapter and verse I can imagine that you all had an absolutely fantastic day...some more than others. It sure was riviting reading, and the points that really impressed me were :

1) Venue..ie the large court room on the ground floor and underneath a large dungeon and cellar...Boy does that sound great....and if I become a tourist in the UK again it will be the number one place on my "must visit" list... Imagine a conducted tour... it would be awesome....a little guy in sandles showing me around....

2) The hearings..they would have been fun...I do love the cut and thrust of an Oxford Union type debate....brilliant... all that with a stone faced bench peering down....

3) The downstairs bit was chilling....and all that care and attention form Dr Ann and WPC MoneyPenny... super.........A couple of beauties eh? and I would think that it would be pretty hard not to be a naughty "Penny pincher" especially when she had her backside towards you.....

4) Then the chaining into a coffle....in the nuddie....I bet that the unlucky guy chained in front of Rumpole was prodded from behind ....a definite case for the next Assize

5) Waiting for the sentence ... now sure would make the loins quiver.

6) Finally the punishment.....restrained and leathered and caned....no mercy......you lucky lucky buggers....

Now all we need is a full length film......it would be a definite Oscar winner

Excellent reportage, bantam.

Hi naughtybantam
I have pinched a comment from JimNixons post..ie quote "Afterwards the prisoners had their buttocks photographed for their offender record file. "..unquote..

Was wondering please as you are the custodian of records and all things interesting, if you could smuggle me a copy.....maybe best not tell the judge eh?..

Hi southernman

May I just make a comment about the court records.

naughtybantam was asked to make a report of the court proceedings held in July and an excellent job he has done.

Photogtraphs taken at the March and July hearings have not yet been published and in any event remain the property of Madam Rattan who has yet to make a decision about publicaton on BCS.

They are not even available to those who were summonsed to the hearngs.

I am afraid that I dont have the photos as I didnt take them, I am hoping however they will be available for us all to view.

The one taken at the end of everyones bottom will look great I suspect, but generally this is a very private event and intended to preserve discretion and anonymity, hence it being a private hearing with only trusted and discrete participants.